I like spoonfuls of sugar. I have a relentless desire for sweetness. If you don't learn it from knowing me, you'll see it from being around me. If somehow you completely miss it, you've got much bigger problems than I can wrap my head around at this moment.
I often get pissed at the the ways we all regulate our sugar sharing in life. Everyone's rationing it out like it might disappear suddenly. Protection, defense, denial, proving. All these powerful ways we find to keep what we've been given to give, just in case we might need it eventually.
I can't relate.
For years I gave it away, and quite honestly it felt great. After some time I realized that no one was willing to reciprocate and I've been trying to reconcile that for a while. I'm not that great, really. Not that humane or understanding or compassionate. I just love loving. I just so want to know it, the way some people become obsessed with steam engines or native plants or solar systems or specific religions. That's the way I want to love another person.
And even though I know it's so much simpler than that, I'm still here in this moment. Still craving the experience of complete surrender, after all these years.
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