Staying with you.

I might want to be a doula.  I am considering becoming a volunteer doula for a local non-profit that inspires me.  I did the training this past weekend and walked away thinking about a lot of things, like, how interesting group dynamics can be, and how amazing our bodies are, and that I'm sensitive to people's energy, and that there are a lot of things I just don't know.  

In the beginning of class the teacher asked us, 'What would you do if you witnessed a car accident?'  And after we got past the 911 calls and assessing safety and finally got to the questions about what we would say to the people who are injured and stuck in their car, everyone started to quietly say what they thought they should say, but no one was really sure what the answer was.  

Our teacher, Ann, said, 'You tell them what you know.  You tell them only what you know and only the truth.  You don't tell them everything is going to be OK, because you don't know that it will be.'  She said, 'You tell them that you're there with them and that you aren't going to leave, that help is on the way, that they are out of traffic and that cars have stopped.   You tell them that you hear the sirens, when you hear them, and you keep telling them that you are there, and that you are going to stay.'

This simple lesson moved me deeply.  I thought of all the times I've tried to be present and supportive to someone who is in pain and all the ways I've tried to help them by telling them what to do or how it will be different or what it was like for me when...  but I've never said, 'I'm with you and I'm not going to leave you until you are safe.'  'I'm with you and I can see that you are hurting, I can see that you are in pain, and I am going to hold your hand while you feel what you need to feel.  I am with you and I am not going to leave you.'

I wish I had known sooner that all most people want and need is for another person to just stay with them.  That to live an authentic life we just need to be honest.  Say what we know is true, even though we might want to say more in order to fill the space left by not having all the answers.  Notice what is around you, tell the truth about what you see, commit to staying even when it is uncomfortable, and wait for the answer to arrive, because it will, it's always on the way, I can hear it coming.